


Filth.

by stuckyinwonderland



Category: Free!
Genre: Bottom Hazuki Nagisa, Drug-Induced Sex, I might add more tags later, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Rei Ryuugazaki/Nagisa Hazuki - Freeform, Top Ryuugazaki Rei, depressed nagisa, everyone except gou is gay tbh, graphic descriptions of self harm, homos everywhere, hot gay sex, makoharu - Freeform, makorin - Freeform, makorinharu - Freeform, mentions of self harm, nagirei - Freeform, possible character death because i'm an evil little shit, reigisa - Freeform, rinharu - Freeform, sourin, there will be some cute fluff i promise, this fic will hurt your soul, threesome?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-13 14:00:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7979242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuckyinwonderland/pseuds/stuckyinwonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nagisa won't ever forget the night that changed everything for him. All he can do now is accept it somehow and move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Lie.

It was cold out and he just wanted something warm to drink.  
He figured he'd run out, get some hot chocolate, and come straight home. No one had to know he was leaving in the middle of the night just for something as simple as hot chocolate.

Nagisa walked into the dimly lit store and made his way to the machines in the back. He'd been coming here for years, he knew exactly where he was going. He had a routine when it came to cold nights and hot chocolate.

And he damn well didn't expect anything in that routine to change anytime soon.

Nagisa walked out of the store, hot chocolate in hand and a goofy smile plastered across his face. He was looking forward to drinking it once it cooled down enough.  
Unfortunately, Nagisa would never get to taste that hot chocolate.

Nagisa made his way back to his house. It seemed darker and colder than it normally was. He wished he'd brought his jacket.  
He squinted, as though that would make him see in the dark better. He giggled at himself, who would honestly think that would work? Maybe a street light was out, and that was why it was so dark. It sort of creeped him out, and made him feel like someone was following him. A shiver went down his spine.

"That's stupid..No one has ever followed me home..no one would ever have a reason to do so!" He assured himself.

And yet, Nagisa still couldn't shake the feeling that someone was behind him. He swore he heard heavy footsteps that matched his own pace almost perfectly.

 _Almost_.

  
The uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach grew more and more with each step.

  
Nagisa stopped and turned around slightly. He could just barely make out a dark figure about fifteen feet behind him. He felt his heartbeat speed up, and he stood there, frozen in his spot and unable to speak.

The figure was approaching fast, and Nagisa still couldn't bring himself to move.

The small blonde was frozen with pure terror.

The figure, which Nagisa had concluded was just a regular man wearing a thick coat, was now extremely close to Nagisa. He tried to get a good look at the man, but it was too dark and he was so close that all he could really focus on was the stale tobacco odor that was wafting off the man.

"Hey, kid. You know you really shouldn't be out walking at this time of night.." His voice was gruff. Probably from smoking for so many years.

Nagisa closed his eyes and swallowed nervously. He was praying to every god out there that he get out of this situation safely. Maybe the guy was just genuinely concerned about Nagisa, because Nagisa wasn't wearing a jacket, and it was fairly cold out.

"I mean...you're probably right. But I wanted hot chocolate!" He smiled and held out the beverage proudly. Nagisa tried to pretend he wasn't scared out of his mind, but his voice shook and gave him away.

The man chuckled. "Well, I came out tonight for two things. Cigarettes, and sex...and.. I already have cigarettes." The man licked his lips and eyed Nagisa like he was a premium cut of meat.

Nagisa felt an even bigger twinge of fear in his chest. He didn't wanna think about what might happen if he stayed. He dropped his hot chocolate and he ran. He ran like his house was on fire and Rei was unconscious inside, and he was his only saving grace.

Oh _god_.. He should have texted Rei..had him come over..maybe then Nagisa wouldn't be running for what he felt was his life.

The man easily caught up to Nagisa, catching his arm and pulling him back hard enough to make Nagisa stumble over his own feet. Nagisa struggled violently against the man but he wasn't strong enough. He put a hand over the smaller boy's mouth to stifle his cries for help.

"If you're still, it won't hurt as much." the man whispered. His voice was thick with malice and lust. He'd come out looking for someone just like Nagisa. Small, and easily restrained.

Nagisa whimpered into the man's hand. His eyes filled with tears. This wasn't how he wanted the night to go..he didn't want this at _all_. He wanted his first time to be _special_..to be with _Rei_... _not this stranger_ , and _not_ forcefully taken from him.

The man dragged Nagisa, who was still struggling, (although it was more like clawing at the man's hands at this point) to a darker part of the street where they wouldn't be disturbed should someone happen to walk past them. He threw the small boy against the wall, and smiled when he made a small sound of distress at the impact.

Hot, fat tears leaked out of the corners of Nagisa's eyes.

"Take them off." He demanded, and gestured to Nagisa's pants. By this time, Nagisa was crying uncontrollably. Snot and tears were running down the poor boy's face. His hands shook violently as he slowly undid his belt.

"Faster." The man growled.

Nagisa looked up at the man. There was no point in reasoning with him, he was already right where the man wanted him. "Please don't do this.." Nagisa begged. He couldn't help but beg.  
Begging was all he had left at this point.

And begging was the wrong choice to make.

The man advanced on Nagisa and pushed him back against the wall. Nagisa cried out in both pain and fear.

"You don't have a say in what happens to you now. I tried being nice but... Now I'm going to do whatever I want with you." The man chuckled in Nagisa's ear.

He violently jerked at Nagisa's belt and pulled down his pants. Nagisa was crying even harder, his pleads for mercy completely ignored. He couldn't fight the man off, he was too small, and simply not strong enough.

Nagisa's boxers came next. The man started touching Nagisa roughly. He was pulling and squeezing, and soon enough, Nagisa found that he was hard. Did that mean he wanted it? Was he actually _so fucked up_ that he subconsciously _wanted_ this to happen to him? He felt... _dirty_...

"You're already hard..fucking slut." The man forced Nagisa to turn around and place his hands against the wall. He unzipped his pants and pulled his own already erect member out, giving it a few strokes.

"Pretty boys like you are my favorite." He chuckled and grabbed Nagisa's hips. He forced his member inside of Nagisa, completely dry and without protection.  
Nagisa cried out louder than he'd ever heard himself before.  
He was almost one hundred percent positive that the man was doing it wrong. He'd read online that you were supposed to use lubricant and stretch yourself before partaking in anal sex.

 _Oh god, it hurt..it hurt really bad..._ It felt as if someone was tearing him open from the inside out. He couldn't breathe.  
He felt the the bile rise in his throat and into his mouth. He tried to make it go back down, but he failed and threw up on himself as the man rutted against him, violating him in the worst way one could do to another.

"Ple...please stop..." Nagisa mumbled through his tears. He didn't have it in himself to fight anymore. If this was how his life was supposed to go, then he didn't see a point in trying to live anymore.

"If you would shut up and hold still, I'd be able to come and be done with you." The man let go of Nagisa's hip and hit him in the back of the head.

White hot pain shot through Nagisa's entire skull. The impact of the man's hand on the back of his head caused his face to slam into the brick wall he was pressed against. He knew there'd for sure be a bruise, and possibly a wound, later on.

The man kept going faster, and faster, which caused Nagisa to cry harder, and harder. Nagisa felt heat building in his lower body. _Oh god..Oh no..he didn't even want this._ _This was against his will, so why was his body responding the way it was?_

He was praying for death at this point. Anything would be better than this.

"Almost there.." the man huffed as he moved himself in and out of Nagisa faster, and harder. Nagisa could feel himself tipping over the edge of orgasm. He felt ashamed of the fact that this man...this stranger, was violating him, and he couldn't do anything to stop it.

He felt himself come, the warm, sticky, substance dirtying his once favorite penguin tee shirt. He clenched the muscles in his rear. He deserved this. If he liked it enough to come, then it was obvious that he deserved it.

Soon after, the man finished and pulled himself out of Nagisa.

Nagisa fell to the ground. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't stand up, he couldn't speak..all he could do was cry and feel ashamed of himself for letting someone take advantage of him like that.

"Thanks for the fuck, kid. Maybe I'll run into you again sometime and we can go for round two." He chuckled, turned around, and left.

Nagisa never wanted to see him again.

 

 

 

He lay there for what felt like hours, wanting the darkness to swallow him whole. He felt... _empty_. He could no longer cry, crying got him nowhere when he was assaulted, so crying would get him nowhere now.

 

He pulled himself into a sitting position, determined to try and walk the rest of the way home. He was sore. He was sore in the most intimate places on his body. Places that shouldn't normally be sore.

After several minutes of convincing himself why he should get up and not just lay there to die, Nagisa stood up. His knees were weak and he had dirt and other debris all over his body.

He needed to get home.

 

 

 

Nagisa slipped inside as quietly as he could manage. He had no idea what time it was but he knew it had to be late so everyone must be asleep.  
He would never let his parents know what happened. They'd ask him why he let it happen and why he was even out at that hour. They'd surely think it was his fault.

It _was_ his fault, but still. He didn't want them confirming that fact for him.

  
He made his way through the dark living room, up the stairs, and into the safety of his own bedroom. He switched on the light and breathed a sigh of relief.

He was home at last.

Nagisa wanted nothing more than to crawl into his bed and never wake up, but he knew he had to wash the filth off of himself first. Nagisa emerged from his bedroom once more, and quietly tiptoed to the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" A light flipped on.

Nagisa yelped in surprise and fear. He turned around, ready to fend off the person who was trying to attack him.

Nanako looked at him with a puzzled expression. "Are you okay?"

Nagisa let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. It was only his sister. He was fine, no one was out to get him. Nagisa smiled and nodded. "I'm great, and you?"

She ignored his question and looked at him with narrowed eyes. He was hyper aware of the way her gaze swept over his body, and suddenly he was extremely conscious of the mess he must look.

"Why are you so dirty, Nagisa? And what happened to your face? Did you sneak out to see Rei again?" She looked at him with a disapproving expression.

Nagisa didn't have a cover story, he didn't think he'd need one. He decided to just go with it. He brushed his hand through his knotted hair. "Yeah, ha. I fell on the way over there. I'm fine though, you should get some sleep, Nanako!" Nagisa laughed to make the whole thing seem more convincing.

She rolled her eyes and shut off the light, returning to her room. "You're so ridiculous.." He heard her mumble as she closed her door behind her.

And she was probably right.

 

 

Nagisa turned the shower on to the hottest temperature it would go. He felt disgusting. He wanted nothing more than to crawl out of his skin and become someone else.  
He stripped himself of his soiled clothes.

Nagisa really didn't want to see himself, but once he caught sight of himself in the mirror, he couldn't stop looking.  
The entire left side of his face was bruised and swollen. The rest of his face was swollen and red from all the crying he'd done. He ran his fingers over the injury on his face. It hadn't occurred to him until now that it was quite tender. He flinched at his own touch, and drew his gaze down to the bruises that littered his hips. He guessed the man had gripped him a lot tighter than he'd thought.

He tore his gaze away from his reflection and slowly walked back to the shower. Nagisa got in and flinched. The water was extremely hot and stung his skin, but hot water helped clean things better, didn't it? Nagisa just wanted to be free of the filth that he felt was all over him. He grabbed the bar of soap and he ran it over his body multiple times. He scrubbed at his skin as though his life depended on it.

 

He couldn't remember how long he'd been in the shower, but it was long enough for the water to run cold and the steam that had once filled the bathroom to dissipate.  
Nagisa shut off the water and grabbed two towels. One to put around his waist, and the other to wrap around his shoulders and torso. He felt that if he didn't cover up, someone would know what happened, and they would look down on him.

After all, boys couldn't get raped.

 

 

Nagisa could still feel them. The hands of the man that hurt him so badly. He was curled up in a tight ball in his bed, too scared to move for fear that unfamiliar hands would roughly grab at him again. He felt sick just remembering it, and bile rose in his throat again. He leaned over the side of his bed and threw up what little food was left in his stomach in the small garbage can he had beside his bed. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and cease to exist.  
He didn't ever want to see anyone again. He was too afraid that his friends would find out what had happened to him if they saw him.

They'd see him for the filth that he was.

 _Rei_ would see him for the filth that he was.

And he didn't want that.

 

 

 

He spent the rest of the weekend holed up in his room, hardly eating, and hardly moving except to go to the bathroom. His parents were concerned, but figured he was just going through a phase. They left him alone.  
Nagisa, although grateful, was a bit sad that they couldn't see how much he was suffering.  
_Rei, on the other hand.._ He wouldn't leave him alone. When Nagisa had stopped answering his texts, Rei had shown up at his house.  
Nagisa assured him that he was fine, that he had a lot of homework that he was behind on. Rei of course, offered his help, and Nagisa politely declined. He felt bad for doing this to Rei, but he couldn't help it. He felt if he let anyone in again, they'd do the same thing that man had done.

Nagisa threw himself on his bed after forcing himself to go downstairs and have dinner with his family. They'd all commented on his appearance, saying how tired and lifeless he looked.

Every time they did this, he'd always smile and say everything was alright.

 

 

 

The thing Nagisa was most dreading was coming in just over an hour.

 _School_.

He forced himself to get up and get ready for school, insisting that it'd be okay, and if he skipped, people would think something is up with him.

He stood in the shower for a good twenty minutes before his mom was banging on the door and yelling at him to get out and get ready for school. Of course he couldn't miss school, his parents would murder him.

Nagisa stepped out of the shower, dripping wet. He stared at his reflection in the mirror. He looked even worse than he had the other night. He shook his head and grabbed a towel. Making sure it was securely wrapped around his waist, he walked out of the bathroom and to his bedroom quickly. He closed and locked the door immediately after he entered, breathing a sigh of relief.

His phone buzzed and Rei's face lit up the screen. Nagisa stared at it sadly. He didn't know how he was going to face Rei. He'd surely ask questions, the same questions which Nagisa had avoided the other day when Rei showed up. He sighed and hit ignore.

 

Nagisa walked through the halls slower than usual. On a normal day, he'd be running through these halls, he'd seem like a bundle of endless energy, according to Rei. And speaking of...

"Nagisa!" Rei shouted over the other students. He made his was through the crowd and straight to Nagisa. Nagisa plastered a fake smile on his face once more.

"Rei!" Nagisa waved excitedly.

Rei walked up to him, and reached his hand out to grab Nagisa's hand. He flinched at the skin on skin contact, and mentally cursed himself.

"Are you okay?" Rei looked at him through narrowed eyes, looking for any indication of a lie.

He nodded. "I'm fine!" He replied with his fake smile spread wide across his face and his fingers crossed behind his back.

"Then..." Rei pushed his glasses back up on his face and sighed. "I really didn't want to ask this, but what happened to your face, Nagisa?" Rei's features softened, as did his tone. This normally happened when he was concerned for someone. Nagisa felt bad for having to lie to him. He felt bad having to lie to himself...

Luckily, Nagisa didn't have to come up with a lie on the spot this time. He rubbed the back of his head and said the lie he'd been rehearsing out loud to himself all weekend long. "Well, I fell down when I was going downstairs the other night! The lights were all off and it was really dark!" Nagisa laughed loudly, hoping it would convince Rei that everything was absolutely fine.

If he could convince Rei, he could convince anyone, himself included.


	2. Chapter 1: Convincing Everyone and Yourself That The Lie is True.

 

Convincing everyone that everything was alright and that he was okay was mentally, and physically, exhausting for Nagisa. He found himself even repeating the lie when he was alone. He thought he was actually going to get lucky and get to go the entire rest of the day without having to say that he was okay to someone again.

Lately though, Nagisa was always wrong, and this was one of those times.

 

"Nagisa!" Rei yelled and ran up to him. Nagisa jumped at the sound of Rei's voice and turned around, a fake smile already spreading across his face.

"Hey Rei, what's up?" He said in as cheerful a tone as he could manage.

Rei gave Nagisa a worried look. "You're coming to swim practice, aren't you?" He asked as he studied Nagisa carefully. He wondered why the smaller boy was acting so strange lately, it wasn't like him. On any normal day, Nagisa would be hounding him, unable to keep his hands away. Rei was never the one to have to initiate conversation. 

Nagisa mentally slapped himself. He'd forgotten all about swim practice. How was he going to explain the bruises that littered his body? So many people had already asked him about his face, and he wasn't sure if Rei, Haru and Makoto would believe whatever he could come up with about the other bruises.

"I.." He bit his lip and tried to come up with an excuse on the spot. 

_Shit, shit, shit._ Nagisa knew he was in trouble at this point, and if he didn't come up with something, they'd find out. They'd surely find him as dirty as he found himself.

Nagisa shrugged, figuring the only solution was to just give in, and go. He'd figure something out on the way to the pool. "Of course! I wouldn't miss swim practice for the world!" He smiled brightly. 

Rei felt a bit relieved, but still couldn't shake the worry that he felt for Nagisa. "Wanna walk together?" He asked with a small smile on his face.

Nagisa's heart pounded against his chest in a way that was almost painful. He could tell Rei was worried about him. Even so, Nagisa smiled up at the taller boy and nodded. "Sure, Rei." He replied quietly. Nagisa wanted to punch himself for sounding so sad just then.

When Rei reached down and went to grab Nagisa's hand, he flinched and pulled it away when Rei's fingertips touched his. "What are you doing?" He asked. His voice shook, giving away his fear.

Rei looked at him, clearly confused as to why the smaller boy suddenly didn't want to hold his hand anymore. There wasn't a time where Rei could remember Nagisa ever not wanting to touch him. "I'm only trying to hold your hand, Nagisa.." Rei said slowly. "Did something happen over the weekend to change your feelings towards me?"

Nagisa felt the sting of tears. He bit his lip, and promised to himself that he would not cry in front of Rei.  
He shook his head vigorously and didn't look up at him, if he knew what had happened, he'd surely never want to see Nagisa ever again. He'd no longer find him beautiful, and Nagisa didn't know if he'd be able to live with that knowledge.

"Nothing happened, Rei." Nagisa said quietly. He couldn't bring himself to look up at Rei as he repeated the lie that he'd been telling all day.

Rei sighed and reached a hand out to wipe away the tears that had fallen down Nagisa's rosy cheeks.

  
"Something happened, Nagisa... " He felt his heart breaking when Nagisa once again, flinched under his touch.

  
Nagisa slapped his hand away angrily, tears now leaking from his eyes profusely. "I said nothing happened!" He snapped, and took a step back.  
He felt a pang in his chest when Rei looked at him sadly. He didn't want to hurt Rei, but if hurting Rei meant keeping this secret, then he had to do whatever he could to keep it to himself.

Rei was appalled, Nagisa never got mad at him. "Nagisa.." He whispered. Tears were just now starting to fall from his eyes. All he wanted was to help Nagisa, but it seemed that the harder he pushed, the farther away Nagisa went.

  
"Just leave me alone." Nagisa told Rei quietly as he turned to leave. "And tell Haru and Makoto that I quit." He called over his shoulder.

  
Rei was so shocked at Nagisa's words that he didn't even go after him, he just stood there and watched him walk away.

As soon as Nagisa got home, he rushed upstairs and into the safety of his room.  
He closed and locked the door behind him so that no one would disturb him when they came home, and he immediately went to his bed. He felt like his entire world was imploding. He could feel tears threatening to overflow again, and this time he didn't do anything to stop them.

  
_Why did this have to happen to him?_

  
_Why did he have to want that hot chocolate so bad?_

  
_Just... Why?_

  
"This is your fault!" Nagisa screamed at himself. He knew he should have been worried about his neighbors hearing him, but the thought slipped from his mind almost as soon as he'd thought of it. As he continued to scream, and cry, and yell, he hugged his arms tightly around himself and dug his nails into the palms of his hands, hoping that the physical pain would eventually distract him from the pain he was feeling inside.

  
Nagisa couldn't describe in words how he felt, even if he really wanted to.  
He felt like his very soul had been ripped from his body. He was a shell of his former self now, unable to feel anything but hopelessness and anger. He wanted to direct his anger at the man who did this to him, but since he had no idea who he was, he could only direct his anger to himself.

  
"I want to die..." Nagisa whispered to himself almost incoherently as he cried. He flung himself backwards onto his bed and stared at the ceiling, a million thoughts racing through his head, and not one of them staying long enough for him to register what it was.

  
Nagisa eventually stopped crying and grew tired of staring at the ceiling after what felt like hours. He rolled over and as his eyes landed on a pair of scissors he had laying on his desk, he was suddenly struck with an idea.

  
It wouldn't hurt to try, would it?

  
He got up and walked over to his desk and sat down in the chair. Almost as though he was in a trance, Nagisa picked up the scissors and opened them with shaky hands. He knew he really shouldn't be thinking of doing something like this, but he needed something, _anything really_ , to distract himself. He ran his index finger along one of the blades, and smiled faintly.  
Nagisa licked his lips and laid his arm on the desk, exposing the pale skin of his inner forearm when he pulled his sleeve back. He slowly lowered the scissors to his skin, but then paused for a moment. "Should I really be doing this?" He asked himself out loud.

  
He sighed, knowing no one would answer as he pressed the cold metal down hard and dragged it across his skin. He inhaled sharply at the sudden, stinging pain. He hadn't realized just how much it would hurt, and yet he craved more. Hesitantly at first, Nagisa repeated the process of pressing down hard and dragging the scissors across his skin, and each time he gasped less and less. He watched as the blood trickled out slowly, and for some reason he felt an odd sense of pride at the fact that he'd made himself bleed like that.  
Nagisa felt calm as he stared at his arm. He continued to stare at what he'd done for quite some time, and when the blood began to dry on his skin, he got up and walked to the bathroom to clean and bandage himself up.

 

 

After he finished bandaging himself up, Nagisa slowly walked downstairs. He wasn't hungry, but he hadn't eaten at breakfast and he'd barely touched his food at lunch, so he figured he should at least try to eat something.

  
However, Nagisa wasn't able to eat anything because someone was knocking on the door frantically.  
He bit his lip, debating whether or not he should see who it is. He could just ignore them and wait for them to leave, but on the off chance that it was Rei, he knew that wouldn't happen until he spoke to him.

Nagisa sighed and wrenched the door open begrudgingly. He expected to see Rei, but he didn't expect to see Haru and Makoto and even Rin, standing behind him.  
"O- oh.. H- hey you guys." Nagisa stammered. He opened the door wider and stood aside so they could come in.

  
_Time to make use of that fake smile again._

  
"Rei said you quit the swim team, but why would you want to do that? You love being on the swim team!" Makoto blurted out once they were all seated in Nagisa's living room.

  
Nagisa's smile faltered. "I..." He wasn't really sure what to say to that. He hadn't had time to come up with an excuse for quitting. He didn't even think he would _need_ one. "I just need some time to myself is all." He murmured and looked down at his feet.

  
"Nagisa, we all know that's a load of crap. What happened to make you want to quit?" Rin said crossly. Leave it to him to figure out when someone was telling a lie. Nagisa knew it was rude, and he'd never say it out loud, but he didn't think Rin even needed to be there when he wasn't even on same team.

  
Rei looked over at Rin disapprovingly, but didn't say anything to him. "Nagisa.. We're worried about you. You haven't been yourself all day." Rei admitted sheepishly, and bit his bottom lip. "Or.. all weekend, for that matter. It's just not like you."

  
Nagisa looked up when Rei spoke and they made eye contact for a brief moment before Nagisa looked away. He immediately felt guilty fordoing so, but if he gavr Rei a chance to truly study him as he spoke, then he'd be done for.  
"I told you guys, I'm totally fine. I'm just having a bad day is all. Everyone has them!" Nagisa replied with a fake laugh.

  
Both Rin and Rei eyed Nagisa carefully. He figeted under their gaze, afraid that they'd see through his bullshit and realize what happened.

  
"If he says he's fine, then he's fine." Haru said quietly from the corner. He was sitting in an armchair observing everyone as they practically interrogated Nagisa. Honestly, he didn't want to be there, he just wanted to be at the pool.

  
Nagisa breathed a sigh of relief when Haru spoke up. It was so rare for him to even talk, so when Haru stuck up for him, it really meant a lot.

  
Makoto sighed and stood up. "Haru's right, guys.. If Nagisa says he's fine, then it's best not to push the subject. He'll tell us when he's ready." He said, giving everyone a reassuring smile. "Just come back when you're ready, okay?" He said as he approached Nagisa and pulled him in for a hug.

  
Nagisa stiffened at the sudden contact, and hoped Makoto wouldn't notice. "Yeah, of course." He said as he pushed Makoto off of him quickly. He felt bad when he saw the confused expression on Makoto's face, but he chose to dismiss it and give him a bright smile instead. "I'll see you guys tomorrow!" He said as he all but kicked them out of his house.  
  
After they all left, Nagisa sighed and threw himself on the couch. He assumed he was clear of any and all suspicion, thanks to Makoto's words.

  
_Wrong._

  
Nagisa's phone buzzed, and he groaned when he saw that it was Rei who had sent him a message. Reluctantly, he opened it.

  
**Rei <3:** I don't know if I did something to upset you, but please tell me if I did. I know something is wrong with you, even if you won't tell me.

  
Nagisa's eyes filled with tears as he read Rei's message. If only he knew how right he truly was.

  
**To: Rei <3**  
You didn't do anything, relax. I'm just stressed! I love you ;)

Nagisa hit send and tossed his phone on the coffee table carelessly as he prayed that he'd just leave him alone already. He sighed and turned over, eventually falling asleep from pure exhaustion.

 

Nagisa could feel the man inside of him again, and when he looked around he saw he was in the same place where the incident happened.  
His heart started to pound violently against his chest, and he felt like he was going to vomit.

  
"P- please.. just _don't_. I can't take it anymore.." Nagisa pleaded with the man quietly. He didn't have the strength to stand any more, and he collapsed, falling into what seemed like an endless black pit of hopelessness and despair.

  
He had to admit, the sensation of falling was far better than that of the man inside of him. He just wanted to stay like this forever, but he somehow found himself in the middle of his classroom. It was darker than he'd ever remembered seeing it, and empty, save for a few people who's faces Nagisa knew all too well.

  
Those were his friends, and they were _laughing_ at him.

It hurt, but he really didn't blame them. He deserved to be laughed at, after all. He'd let a man, of all people, do those horrible things to him.

_He deserved this more than anything._

It was Rei who's face stood out the most for Nagisa. His normally calm and relaxed demeanor was now angry and taunting. "I can't _believe_ you let him do such filthy things to you. I never knew you were into such things." He told the smaller boy. 

Nagisa recoiled in fear as Rei got up and advanced on him quickly. "I bet you fantasize about it every night." Rei whispered, his mouth curling up into a sadistic smile.

  
"R- Rei! Stop, this isn't you speaking!" Nagisa stammered as he tried his best to look his boyfriend in the eye. He didn't want to maintain eye contact, but he was so terrified that if he looked away, something even worse would happen.

  
Rei leaned closer to Nagisa, so close that he could feel his warm, moist breath on his cheek. "I bet you imaging me doing it to you, don't you?" Rei purred in Nagisa's ear. He placed a hand on the smaller boy's chest and pushed him into the desk that had seemingly manifested behind him. 

Nagisa felt his chest tighten. Rei wasn't like this! Rei was kind, and gentle, and a little bit weird at times, but Rei would never do something like this.

  
"Rei, _stop_." Nagisa said firmly and pushed against Rei's chest.

  
"Yeah Rei, _stop_." Rin mocked Nagisa's tone of voice and laughed. "Honestly, Nagisa. Could you _get_ any more pathetic?"

  
Rin and Rei exchanged a look before they both burst out in a fit of laughter. Nagisa wasn't exactly sure what they were laughing about, but he knew it had to have something to do with him.

  
"You guys, can't you see you're scaring him?" Makoto grabbed Nagisa's arm and pulled him away from the two boys. "You should really be more careful about who you hang out with, Nagisa. You could end up getting into a lot of trouble." Makoto said coldly as he pushed Nagisa down into a chair next to Haru, who looked over and gave him a cold look.

"You should be ashamed of yourself for letting that man violate you." Haru said in a flat voice.

Nagisa didn't understand why his friends were being like this, it was so out of character for them. He looked around at the four of them, his heart pounding hard and fast. 

"If you're not careful, something bad might happen again." Haru leaned closer and murmured with a small smile on his face. 

"Please stop.. this isn't real!" Nagisa cried out in fear as the four of them moved closer, enveloping him in darkness.

 

"P- please.. stop.." Nagisa mumbled.

  
Nanako sighed and rolled her eyes at her younger brother. "Nagisa, you have to wake up. You're talking in your sleep and it's disturbing me."

Nagisa's eyes fluttered open and he sat up, only to find himself face to face with his older sister, who was giving him a weird look. "N- Nanako.." He said in surprise. He looked around, his eyes searching frantically for his friends, but when he couldn't find them, he realized that it was just a nightmare.

Nanako backed up and gave her younger brother a once over. "Bingo." She replied sarcastically. 

Nagisa sighed in relief once he came to terms with the fact that he was really awake. "Why'd you wake me up?" He asked quietly. It wasn't like his dreams were any better than his reality, but he was still very tired and wanted to sleep for a solid twenty four hours.

Nanako gave Nagisa a dirty look before replying. "I told you... You were talking in your sleep. It was annoying me." She replied in a monotone.

Nagisa sighed, already having had enough with his older sister. "Whatever." He muttered to himself as he got up, and went upstairs to his bedroom, hoping that he'd find some sort of peace in being alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay I honestly meant to have this up like two months ago or whenever I put the first chapter up, but stuff happened and I stopped writing. I'm just getting back into writing fanfiction, so forgive me if this chapter is kinda short and all over the place. Also, if you find the thing about self harm to be unrealistic, just know that it's not unrealistic to me. That's how it was for me, so I based Nagisa's first experience with self harm on my own experience. I promise to update again soon!!


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